Count Smokula, it is believed, was born 496 years ago in the town of Yabatubursk, near Glipsch, in Smokesylvania. Yet through an old series of family remedies, medicinal plants and herbs, he has retained his boyish vigor, and most people can’t imagine he is a day over 380.

Even as a boy, The Count was known to possess miraculous powers of entertainment and was much in demand as a singer of Smokesylvanian songs of joy and for his exquisite playing of the SqveezeBox, which he performed at many Shlabans and other social events throughout the Shmear Province.

Although from one of the oldest and most prominent Smokesylvanian families (his great-grandfather Sverdling of Smokula was considered the benefactor of the region, and his likeness hung outside The Great Latrine of Glipsch), the Smokula fortune had been greatly diminished by the time of The Count’s birth, and in fact he was called The Count because of his ability to find Grooshiks (coins) and count them over and over again. it is to this childhood ritual to which The Count attributes his dazzling ability to count to five.

Eventually, The Count grew up and emigrated to the United States. Smokesylvania had changed. Lightbulbs had emerged, and the villagers no longer huddled around their television sets watching their favorite programs by candlelight. The Count took a hard look around and realized that all the excitement and dazzling television guests could be found in The Hollywood of the California. And that is where he now makes his home - as host of the only talk show in America to show and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the Smokesylvanian truth - God help us all.

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