Chapter Three – June 9-12, 2005.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Dreams

I found notes about a dream that I don’t remember, but evidently wrote about in the middle of the night…

We were shooting a reality show instead of a movie – something like Survivor meets Poultrygeist. In it, I was taking a grueling gym class where I was physically abused, beat up, and humiliated in front of others on stage. I quit the class, and decided to take high-school-level Russian history instead.

The project goes in stages — weeks of peace, and then weeks of Lloyd being on a murderous rampage, chock-full of screaming marathons, wild paranoid accusations and scathing attacks. It’s been smooth sailing of late. A good time to head to Buffalo.

Friday, June 10, 2005

A New Home
The drive to Buffalo was unremarkable, but the arrival last night was grim. Mark V., the Troma fan who offered to house us, had forewarned “the house isn’t spotless, but it’s not a dump — you know, a college house.” As we drove down the block of smashed windows and hoodlums hanging out on doorsteps with 40′s, I knew his place would be a colossal dump. It was. Broken windows, empty beer cans covering the floor, a thick layer of food and dirt and bugs on every surface. As Mark excitedly showed us his feature-length home movies, I watched the ominous clouds approach and wondered how I chose this new life. Thunder cracks and lightning hitting the trees outside the house, keeping me up most of the night, seemed to be a dark message.

Today, however, has been a rush. We visited a potential home/office, and it turned out to be amazing — 5 big bedrooms, living room, a huge attic, several toilets. Big enough to fit 30 easily. Or 40 with a shoehorn. (We’d told the landlady it would be 15.) But then as I wandered down a hallway, I happened upon another flight of stairs, which led right into the church next door — it turns out this building was a rectory! In the basement was a huge theater with a stage (perfect for auditions and rehearsals), as well as several more rooms, and two three-stall bathrooms.

Of course I signed the lease immediately. It was $1000 a month, the cost of a small studio in New York. I secured use of the church’s basement for $100 a month more.

I guess it’s just going to add about 18 more layers to the Making Of documentary. “How Poultrygeist came to be made in a church.” Now we jut have to make sure this film is the next Dawn of the Dead, not the next Mark Borchart fiasco.

After the lease signing, at an ancient black lawyer’s office, the lawyer’s grandson turned to me and said “Hey! Did you say you guys made The Toxic Avenger? That’s cool, man!!! You guys rock!” They’re everywhere you turn.

An aside

I was on the phone with Kiel, who was in the office dealing with a contract. He stopped talking unexpectedly.
“Kiel… are you still there?”
“Excuse me… some actress in a bikini just ran by.”

Dreams of Coney Island

An email from Lloyd: “Thanks,Andy…we should try to find unusual people like dwarfs or people with unusual bodies and people who have special talents like RubberLad…”

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Email from Lloyd, concerning styrofoam gravestones…

“Moss is OK just don’t use the vomit…moss is usually dark green…vomit is light brown and varied…”

Sunday, June 12, 2005

The Dark Church & The Shady Restaurant

Today, while looking for a vacuum cleaner, my pallid under-nourished sidekick Nick opened a discreet door behind the church’s altar, and — in a discovery that would have pleased CS Lewis — found a stairway leading to an undiscovered wing of the complex, with offices, living rooms, storage rooms, a huge workshop, and a party-sized bathtub (okay, baptism pool). This building goes on forever! What was originally rented to us as a large 4-bedroom has turned out to be a 14-bedroom! Plus the theater. Plus the workshop. Plus the church itself. It’s just absurd. It’s also weird living in this space with only three other people. So completely vacant. It’s actually nice.

Although there’s no hot water and no shower curtain, so the bathing process is an ugly one indeed. I’ve learned to tuck my body close to the freezing water, rushing through the showering process, and only showering every other day. The landlady promises it’ll be fixed soon.

On the topic of dripping water, we visited the McDonald’s today — one roof leak has been fixed, and another has been born. The ceiling of the restaurant is just a mess of rotting tiles and soaked wood. While we were inside, gangsters started collecting in the parking lot. I got nervous… just like in Assault on Precinct 13, we could only use one door. And it was only lockable from the outside. We jumped in the car and drove off, but they ignored us… they were far more focused on dealing with the driver of a car. Film Commissioner Mark Stricklin meets with the police tomorrow.

A coincidental email from a Concerned Citizen

“I’m not sure how you chose Buffalo, or your location but I am just concerned because that neighborhood is literally the worst in the city. The east side and especially Bailey St has shootings, robberies, and homicides daily. That is one of the big reasons why that building isn’t a McDonalds anymore because it was robbed so often. I have lived in Buffalo all of my life and know the city well. If you chose this location because it was cheap to film, I highly suggest you spend the extra money to film elsewhere because saving the money is not worth being beat down or having your equipment robbed.” Great.

Hopefully, things can only get better from here.

Next week: We finally cast the leads, Trent dishes some dirt, and hobos steal food from the trash for us… and we then eat it. All at poultrygeistmovie.com. Find out more about Andy at Andy Deemer’s website.