Director Lloyd Kaufman and screenwriter Gabe Friedman are hard at work putting the finishing touches on the upcoming feature film Poultrygeist! Today, they would like to share the lyrcis to several of the songs to be featured in the film.

Humus the Palestinian sings the suicide song (to the tune of “Hava Nageela”)

I am despondent/ All that I wanted
Was to live the American dream!

Instead I’m pickin’/ hairs from a chicken
That someone dropped in a latrine!

Maybe it is the blues/ but more likely the Jews
That has caused my anxiety

No prozac or physician / can treat my condition
There’s only one solution to my misery!
S-u-i-c-i-d-e (spell it out)

Goodbye cruel world/ this is imminent
No one will miss a Muslim immigrant

All they see is Al Queda/ Not a lovelorn masturbator
Who’s only dream is to lose his virginity

But do I die a martyr? Like my noble father
A jihad bomber/ in Tel Aviv

That’s what they’re expecting/ from a brown skin whose not Mexican
By Allah there nothing more defiling/ Than racial Profiling!
Oh god I am so alone

S-u-i-c-i-d-e

THE GENEROUS GENERAL (a “duet” between the General and a group of protestors)

G: Troubled angry faces, confusion all about
Tell me all your concerns and I’ll sort your problems out

P: I used to be quite slim you see
but thanks to the fast food industry,
I’ve gained some weight, I’m big and fat
What do you have to say about that?

G: It’s not our fault! Our food’s nutritious
It’s almost fresh and quite delicious
Your big fat mouth tells big fat lies
So plug it up with our lard fried thighs

P: Independent businesses are hard to find
The corporate whores, you and your kind
Have forced them all to close up shop!
What about the Mom’s and Pop’s?

G: Screw those two-bit corner stores
We can offer so much more
Leave those relics in the past
Do you want quality or do you want fast?

P: Mexicans with no greencards
zit-faced teens and poor retards
On unskilled labor your business thrives
While these poor folks barely survive

G: We pay them fair for what they do
Who else will hire em? Surely not you!
I’m a saint, and I really care / I keep these schmucks off welfare!

P: Fast food is being advertised
on children’s T.V. stations
and being sold in elementary schools
to kids across the nation
Toddlers eat fatty food
for cheapo toys hawked by a star
Mind control a population
You corporate Fiends! You’ve gone too far!

G: The kids can learn arithmetic
by counting calories
and looking at our billboards
helps them learn to read
Little scientists can analyze
the ingredients in our food
as long as they don’t tell mom and dad
And get our asses sued!
but we are getting off track
yes it seems to me
that American Chicken Bunker
is as tasty as can be
so grab yourself some chicken
and try a bite with me
let’s all join together
in peace and harmony
no longer shall we bicker
no longer shall we fight
the good Colonel asks you
Who feels like chicken tonight?

P: You act like your a trusted friend
but it’s all about sales in the end
I just don’t know, I’m at a loss
Colonel Cluck is more recognized
than the Christian cross

G: Then please my friends don’t fight temptation
give yourselves to the taste sensation
our Extreme Chicken Supreme
is made with three different kinds of cheeses
AMERICAN CHICKEN BUNKER!
WE’RE MORE POPULAR THAN JESUS!!!!!!!

Untitled duet between Young Arbie and Old Arbie

OLD ARBIE
Come gather round Arbie, haven’t you heard
A career in fast foods like polishing a turd
No matter how you buffer it
All you have is a piece of shit
No chance for advancement can’t you see?
Just minimum wage through rotisserie!
So smarten up, dumbass before it’s too late
Get to college, or suffer a similar fate
As a fifty-nine year old loser with no chance for a date
Whose true love is his hands as he masturbates
Abstract yes, I’m trying to paint a picture for you
So you’ll avoid the future of the aforementioned doo doo

YOUNG ARBIE
That may be, but you shall see
Its fate on a plate made of gold for me
A career frying food although un-trendy
shall somehow win the love of Wendy
I’m not sure how cause I ain’t to smart
but frying wings of a flightless bird is an art
Soaring to great heights that will set me apart
from that dyke whore who treats me like a wet fart
Old man you simply cannot see
This fast food career will set me free
No dumb bum and ignoramus am I
I know I’ll get the hair pie in the sky.

OLD ARBIE
Once was young
My strings were strung
But dreams and ambitions turned to dung
A dumb bum and ignoramus was I
All that’s left is for me to die

YOUNG ARBIE
Well, I is young and gots ambition
Me gonna be rich, that’s my mission
No dumb bum and stegosaurus is me
All I need is dough and her pussy

OLD ARBIE
This doofus is gonna be just like me
What he needs is a Joycean epiphany

YOUNG ARBIE
This old fart is depressing
I just came down for some ranch dressing
Or was it shake mix?

OLD ARBIE
You young punks got brains of bricks
You can only think with your pricks

OLD AND YOUNG ARBIE
This human detritus seems hopeless to me
What the hell is detritus and epiphany?
A dumb bum and ignoramus is he!

Revenge is a dish best served fried (to the tune of “Deep fry station”)

When I rolled out of bed today,
Little did I know Wendy was gay
She dumped me for a hippie ho
hairy pits and a studded nose
Who eats a snatch like a pro
In a Jenna Jamison dyke porno

A Fema-Nazi with no bra
Will forbid a ménage-a-trois
With some two-inch man-meat like moi
Cunt faced double dildo thief
Rubber cocks can’t make true queef
I’ll show them “where’s the beef”

Elitist assholes full of shit
I think I’ll do the opposite
If Wendy and her dyke protest with this mob
I’ll go inside and get a job
As Jesus said as he died:
“nigga please, revenge is a dish best served fried”

She’ll see my cash increasing
My pole she’ll wanna be greasing
With my hairy balls she’ll not play!
“but I love you Arbie” she will say
Sorry bitch, now I’m gay!

As the prophet Muhammad said before he died:
“nigga please, revemge is a dish best served fried”