Fan Fizz Ed Denelsbeck has provided us with his version of The American Dream (A Chicken in Every Pot) and a revised version of his earlier submission March of the Poultry-Geist…

The American Dream (A Chicken in Every Pot)

Papa spent his cash on mash
Mama slept on the floor
and I was a poor li’l southern boy
Who dreamt of so much more

Back then, we ate rock soup for supper
When we could afford rocks
And no one ever gave a darn
‘cept when mama darned my socks

But I knew I was livin’ in
a land of opportunity
And I would make my dreams come true
Through ingenuity

A walking to the pond one day
Through the crispest autumn air
A paper fluttered across the ground
That would make me a trillionaire

It said it there quite plainly
Twas a secret recipe
For the most delicious breading
And the rest is history

(CHORUS)
It’s the American Dream!
A Chicken in every pot!
A dollar in every poor man’s pocket!
A dick in every twat!
It’s the American Dream
So give it all you’ve got
One percent of us will thrive
And one percent’s a lot

Soon I was making more money
than any one man could have thunka’
My business grew into a corporation
the American Chicken Bunker

I fed billions and billions of chickens
to the starving and huddled masses
And as I sat back, my bank account grew
Along with their bloated asses

Soon, I found corners to cut
So I could cut down on overhead spending
I’d hire children in third world countries
To make my tasty breading

And for less than the cost of a cup of coffee
They made chipper-chicken toys
To put into chipper-chicken meals
For American girls and boys

It’s the American dream
A Chicken in every bucket
A franchise manager in every town
From Nanook to the man from Nantucket
It’s the American Dream
And I was living proof
From mama sleeping on the floor
To sales gone through the roof

Yes, Everything was going great
I’d seen it all come to fruition
But just as soon, the enemies came
With diets, lawsuits, and bitchin’

My business was in jeopardy
I had to think of something new
My sales were dropping like chicken shit
Oh what was I to do?

The mom and pops and nutritional cops
Thought I’d finally met my match
But I laid a plan that would crush them all
And now my plan will hatch

THAT’s RIGHT!:

It’s the American dream
A chicken in every bite
A dollar each for every soul
A finger in every dyke
It’s the American Dream
Every minute a sucker is born
to whom we can sell a piece of hell
and they’ll all come back for more!

I told them I would fight for them
They believed I was benevolent
But soon we’ll make enough money back
So I can Run for President

And me, I’ll be your first lesbo
I’ve helped you get this far
I’ve got you on the t.v. set
More than the current war

We’re bigger now than ever
And all thanks go to me
Remember kids there’s no such thing
As bad publicity

We’ve advertised on billboards, on the TV, next the moon
The interstate, the internet, and on a big balloon
We’ve placed our goods in children’s movies and in the public schools
We’ve greased the gears of free commerce with gooey toddler drool
Soon we’ll have them all addicted, bloated, insane
And we’ll have made a better profit than back when we sold cocaine
Just think of all the money
The cash, the cream, the green
In this land of milk and honey
I’ll be king and I’ll be queen
With generations of slaves
As far as the eye can see
In the land of the free and the home of the brave
Sweet lard of liberty
What would be better
Than me up in the lead?
I’ve got a dick and a potato
What more does a dick-tater need?

It’s the American Dream
And I hope it never ends
A piece of chicken pot pie for you and I
And none for all of them
It’s the American dream
To rule this glorious land
And together we’ll rule with iron fists
While walking hand in hand!

March of the Poultry-Geist (Are you chicken, or are you what you eat?)

Why do you run?
Are you chick-un?
We, zombie chickens
just want to have fun

You pumped us with steroids
and forced us to grow to outrageous proportions
Well, Look at us now,
now we meek little chickens are super sized portions

these meek little chickens
shall inherit the earth
But, eating you humans,
we must finish that first
“I want some dark meat,
it is the best!”
“I want a thigh!, cause they’re oh so yum -tasty!
I want a breast!

Chorus
We’ve made a list and checked it twice,
To see if your diet was naughty or nice
Arroz con pollo
by any other name
still smells like chicken and rice
Now it’s time to pay the price
We have made the sacrifice
It’s not the second coming of Christ,
It’s the march of the Poultry-geist

You locked us in cages,
made us live in our own poop
Wrote books about sad souls
needing more chicken soup
Now We shall avenge
the tortured ones of our species
Time to take your own medicine
cooped up in your feces!

You burn off our beaks
so we can’t cluck, speak or sing
And you beat to death
all the lame and weaklings

Now the pecking order
Has been duly flipped
It’s our turn to beat your retarded
And rip off your lips

Our feathers were plucked.
oh how is that fair?
See how you like when we
pluck your nose hairs

Forced us to lay eggs,
Stole our sons and daughters
all for your omelet
your quiche your frittata

Started off your day right,
you sat down to eat us
“Make mine a
sunny-side up human fetus!”

We’ll boil you alive
and slit your soft throat
and With one chicken scratch
it will be all she wrote

You are what you ate
and that makes you most fowl
You may have failed on life’s test,
but you’ll pass with flying colors through our bowels

your human mistakes
have been wicked enough to sicken
But we’ll try not to puke
and say “You taste just like chicken”